I’m so excited I might pee my pants.

I need friends, Indianapolis is getting borrring.

I need to make some definite changes in 2013. I’ve only lived in this town for about four months and I’m over it. I’ve wasted a lot of time and energy doubting myself ; if I’m not happy than it’s not worth my time. I want to move to somewhere new and meet new people. I’ve been too scared to do it, but being scared is getting me nowhere. The people here look the same, the food tastes like cardboard, there’s nothing to do, and I spend a good portion of my day dreaming about living somewhere else. I want James and I to have a rad life and not act like we’re fucking 60. We wake up, go to work, then come home and go to bed. I have no desire to do anything with anyone, I don’t paint anymore, I don’t read, I don’t go to shows. Life is becoming nothing more than a job and a couch. In my opinion there’s no one to blame but myself for this, for being a pussy and not taking charge. I let people walk all over me, and I NEVER make decisions with what is best for me in mind. School has been pushed back, my hobbies, new things I want to try. A ton of shit. Just because I’m afraid to do it by myself. I’m so scared of failing, to the point of letting other peoples decisions dictate what I do and don’t do. So, if I don’t like where I’m living, then I’m going to move. If I want to go back to school, I’m going to fucking do it. And if I don’t want to get my sorry ass off of the couch, then I’m going to force myself. I’m over it. Another thing: I refuse to invest myself into people when they need it, but don’t give two shits about what I’m going through. Yup.

Bad shit keeps happening. I’m convinced that it’s the cosmic universe, or God, or whatever you wanna believe telling me that I don’t belong in this town anymore. I need to go back to Indianapolis. I don’t have my own place, no friends here, am estranged from my parents, and hate my job. What do I have to lose if we leave?